Happy Birthday Mom

My mother would have turned 73 today. I can hardly believe that she’s been gone over 9 years now. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her or wish I could call and tell her something.

I knew when I moved back to Sumter 6 years ago that she was looking down on me from Heaven and smiling…but also going, “What? Seriously?! You move back NOW when I am not around?!” She’d love that I am here, but hate that she isn’t here with me. I think she’d be proud of who the person I have become, but I know she would hate that I am still single (because 30 is a good age to get married or so I heard my entire life) or that I have 3 tattoos (she spins in her grave over this I am sure). But she lived a good life and was greatly loved. She got to live to see her 2 grandchildren be born. I am only sorry that they did not get a chance to really know her.

Many years ago when my niece Jillian was about 2 ½, she walked into the room where her father (my brother) was and said, “Today is Grandmama’s Day.” My brother was a tad confused so he asked if she meant Grandparents Day, thinking that is something they’d talked about at pre-school the previous week. Jillian was adamant and said it was Grandmama’s Day. Still confused, my brother went to look at the calendar and it was April 13th. Mom’s birthday. He asked Jillian again where she heard this and she said, “Grandmama told me.” Grandmama was the name my nieces called my mom. Believe what you want, but I have no doubt my mother was checking on her littlest baby that day.

From time to time in our family we joke that we are channeling her spirit – when one of us shops entirely too much, as she loved to do or spends time puttering in the garden or when stray cats show up at our house. My mother loved to take in stray animals, so when cats show up, we joke that she’s sent them to us to take care of. It’s even a threat of sorts sometimes as in “Watch what you say or Mom will send you a cat!!”

I looked up at the bulletin board over my computer the other day and saw something she’d written. My mother was great about giving presents for any and all occasions. Even just what she called an “I Love You” present for no particular reason. This went on well into my adult years. The only trouble with Sandra is that she had a hard time realizing when enough was enough; a trait I seem to have inherited from her (no comments from the Peanut Gallery please!).

It’s no secret that I like pigs. Especially if you’ve ever been in my house (or seen my pig tattoo). However, liking pigs and needing lots and lots of them around are two very different things. About 15 years ago I mentioned wanting to have a pig theme in my kitchen one day. Well, the pigs started arriving en masse. And not just for the kitchen! I have pig jewelry, socks, jammies, stuffed pigs, and Christmas tree ornaments. I finally had to tell Mom to put the brakes on it because I had enough pigs to start my own sausage factory! (Hey, I love pigs, but I also love bacon cheeseburgers…)

One Christmas many years ago, I opened up a box to find yet another stuffed pig. On one of the outside flaps of the box she had written, “No more after this I promise! Mom” Yeah right!

The box lingered with my things for years and at one point I tore that flap off to save the message. It’s really the last note I remember Mom ever writing me so there is sentimental value there. Eventually it made it up on the bulletin board over my desk at home. I haven’t looked at it in ages, but for some reason the other day my eyes were drawn to it. I read it and inexplicably started to cry.

I miss my mother so much. Sometimes I need her desperately – to talk to and have her hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. And sometimes, when I’m with my family, the thoughts and memories are only happy and full of joy.

I’m not sure what prompted me to read her note the other day or what that message means now. No more what after this? And what is “this” anyway? Is she sending more cats? Is it a stern, motherly warning for me not to get any more tattoos? Who knows!

What I do know is that I miss her every day and always will. But I am a better person for having had her as my mother. I am a better person because she loved me and supported me and gave me all those silly pigs. I am a better person because SHE was a better person. And I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.

Happy birthday Mom. I love you. Always.