Friendship should be easier. It just should be. Yeah, yeah, yeah… if it was so easy would it be worth having. Whatever. Making friends. Keeping friends. It should all be easier.
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| You see? This was easy. My birthday party around age.... uh.... 4 maybe? Doesn't matter. It was easy because your friends were the neighborhood kids and the ones you knew at school and/or church. Easy peesy cheddar cheesy. (I'm the one rocking the pink pants with the big Cookie Monster applique on the leg.) |
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| Red pants and a yellow and blue striped shirt. It must have been the 70s! |
But no, it never stays easy. And that said, I am a pretty lousy friend. I really am. I forget birthdays. I never send Christmas cards. I totally hate to talk on the phone. I mean, there’s e-mail so why do we have to talk on the phone? I respond pretty quickly to e-mails whereas I can ignore a voicemail for ages. Which is kind of ironic because I hate it when people forget my birthday or don't, well, don't do whatever it is I think they should do as my friend. Whatever the hell that is.
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| Maybe if we dressed up and wore tap shoes more often, we'd have stayed besties past kindergarten. |
Every few years I go through… I wanted to call it a frienaissance, but according to the Urban Dictionary the definition of that is “An activity to renew your relationship with a friend.” And that’s not really what I do. What I do is go through a period of feeling kinda mopey and a wee bit sorry for myself because I would like to have more friends. Or to see the friends I have more often. Or for my friends to want to see ME more often. And all this, of course, requires a change in me and heaven forbid I have to change me. Perish the thought! (please interpret this with the appropriate sarcasm)
Don’t get me wrong – especially my friends who are reading this – I have some good friends. Hell, I have some GREAT friends.
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| Anyone need a lift? This is my friend Michael circa 1988. Sadly, he passed away a couple of years ago after being hit by a car while trying to rescue a cat that was injured in the road. |
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| We're fabulous and we know it. You should have seen the shoes! |
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| I love the looks on our faces in this picture. I wish to heck I could remember what we were laughing about though. |
But something it still not right. Is it me? Is it them? Is it all of that? I'm not quite sure. I only know that it's hard to make friends as an adult. And with busy lives, it's hard to keep them. Hard to make time for them and if you don't make time for your friends and work on that relationship, you'll lose it.
I started thinking about this a few weeks ago and while I do not make New Year's Resolutions, I made the decision that I need to work on my friendships and to find avenues for making new friends. I want more than I've got from the relationships I have and it's up to me to work on them. I have tried already in some instances and more or less been rebuffed, so I'm leaving the ball in those respective courts and if those friends want to continue to have any kind of relationship with me, then it'll have to come from their end before anything else comes from mine.
Of course, it's perfectly natural that some relationships last longer than others. I've just always thought if someone was your friend then they were always your friend (I am frequently quite naive). I continually realize that is not true. I'm saddened by that, but hey, and so it goes. We grow and change to move apart, but dangit, it still should not be so hard to make friends as an adult!
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| We are too adorable for our own good! Love this guy! |
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| Cute photo with some great people that I never actually talk to anymore. Contact is sporadic at best. |
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post anymore to be honest with you. I had it all in my head for the past few weeks, but it never comes out on virtual paper quite the way I think it will. But I know I cannot be the only person who feels this way and has this problem. And I know it's not all me. I'm not the most user-friendly person, but there are enough people who like me the way that I am - or have over the years - that I know I'm not a horrible person. I'm just... lost? Confused? Searching? All of the above? I'm alone a lot, but I would seldom, if ever, say I was lonely. But I do want more. We'll see if I decide to apply myself to get it.
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| Ahhhh college. It was certainly never boring! I was dressed as a groupie although I'm pretty sure I never took the jacket off to reveal the belly shirt. I can't even believe I had a belly I was ever willing to reveal! |
