My mother would have turned 73 today. I can hardly believe that she’s been gone over 9 years now. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her or wish I could call and tell her something.
I knew when I moved back to Sumter 6 years ago that she was looking down on me from Heaven and smiling…but also going, “What? Seriously?! You move back NOW when I am not around?!” She’d love that I am here, but hate that she isn’t here with me. I think she’d be proud of who the person I have become, but I know she would hate that I am still single (because 30 is a good age to get married or so I heard my entire life) or that I have 3 tattoos (she spins in her grave over this I am sure). But she lived a good life and was greatly loved. She got to live to see her 2 grandchildren be born. I am only sorry that they did not get a chance to really know her.
Many years ago when my niece Jillian was about 2 ½, she walked into the room where her father (my brother) was and said, “Today is Grandmama’s Day.” My brother was a tad confused so he asked if she meant Grandparents Day, thinking that is something they’d talked about at pre-school the previous week. Jillian was adamant and said it was Grandmama’s Day. Still confused, my brother went to look at the calendar and it was April 13th. Mom’s birthday. He asked Jillian again where she heard this and she said, “Grandmama told me.” Grandmama was the name my nieces called my mom. Believe what you want, but I have no doubt my mother was checking on her littlest baby that day.
From time to time in our family we joke that we are channeling her spirit – when one of us shops entirely too much, as she loved to do or spends time puttering in the garden or when stray cats show up at our house. My mother loved to take in stray animals, so when cats show up, we joke that she’s sent them to us to take care of. It’s even a threat of sorts sometimes as in “Watch what you say or Mom will send you a cat!!”
I looked up at the bulletin board over my computer the other day and saw something she’d written. My mother was great about giving presents for any and all occasions. Even just what she called an “I Love You” present for no particular reason. This went on well into my adult years. The only trouble with Sandra is that she had a hard time realizing when enough was enough; a trait I seem to have inherited from her (no comments from the Peanut Gallery please!).
It’s no secret that I like pigs. Especially if you’ve ever been in my house (or seen my pig tattoo). However, liking pigs and needing lots and lots of them around are two very different things. About 15 years ago I mentioned wanting to have a pig theme in my kitchen one day. Well, the pigs started arriving en masse. And not just for the kitchen! I have pig jewelry, socks, jammies, stuffed pigs, and Christmas tree ornaments. I finally had to tell Mom to put the brakes on it because I had enough pigs to start my own sausage factory! (Hey, I love pigs, but I also love bacon cheeseburgers…)
One Christmas many years ago, I opened up a box to find yet another stuffed pig. On one of the outside flaps of the box she had written, “No more after this I promise! Mom” Yeah right!
The box lingered with my things for years and at one point I tore that flap off to save the message. It’s really the last note I remember Mom ever writing me so there is sentimental value there. Eventually it made it up on the bulletin board over my desk at home. I haven’t looked at it in ages, but for some reason the other day my eyes were drawn to it. I read it and inexplicably started to cry.
I miss my mother so much. Sometimes I need her desperately – to talk to and have her hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. And sometimes, when I’m with my family, the thoughts and memories are only happy and full of joy.
I’m not sure what prompted me to read her note the other day or what that message means now. No more what after this? And what is “this” anyway? Is she sending more cats? Is it a stern, motherly warning for me not to get any more tattoos? Who knows!
What I do know is that I miss her every day and always will. But I am a better person for having had her as my mother. I am a better person because she loved me and supported me and gave me all those silly pigs. I am a better person because SHE was a better person. And I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.
Happy birthday Mom. I love you. Always.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Sometimes stuffed animals are freakin' scary
January 26, 2009
***WARNING!!! I am about to share with you an atrociously stupid story for which you will, no doubt, mock me greatly later. I know it’s foolish, but I do have a point. Just remember, that.
Do you ever get the dumbest idea in your head and you know it’s totally stupid, but you can’t seem to shake it? If not, then you are one of the lucky ones! I get those thoughts from time to time and they make me nuts. Last night was one of those times.
I came home from the Bible Community Group leadership meeting and the house was dark. I was locking up the back door and glanced over into a dark corner where my beloved stuffed Scooby Doo resides (no, that’s not the mocking part yet). I’ve been a Scooby fan since I was a little girl growing up in Virginia . Every year we’d go to the Kings Dominion amusement park (just like Carowinds, but with different names for the rides) and every year I’d try to get my father to buy me a stuffed Scooby Doo. And every year, he’d tell me it was too expensive. I have no idea what the toy cost, but I never got my Scooby.
Fast forward to around 2003 and I was taking some student orientation leaders to Carowinds for a day trip. I spied a great stuffed Scooby and decided I had to buy it. I must have it!! And as an adult (which is debatable after this story I know) with disposable income, I could finally buy the toy for myself. I’ve loved that stuffed Scooby ever since I bought it and it represented something to me I guess to finally have it.
So last night, I’m looking at Scooby and thinking that in the dark, he can be a little creepy. Me being me, I start thinking, “You know, that’s how it starts in a horror movie. The toy jumps out at you in the dark of the night and attacks you!” (We are now getting towards the mocking part.) This thought refused to leave my head (not that I’m a drama queen or anything) and somehow it got all wrapped up in the notion of the devil being able to possess things and people and me not needing any proof of that whatsoever. Y’know, just in case Scooby really was about to go on the attack or something (let the mocking commence!).
The trouble with it all was, my mind got out of control and into such a weird, random place, but yet at the same time, I know the devil exists and can do a lot of things, just like I know that God exists and do amazing things. I need no visions of strange horror movie scenes to know that the devil is out there. All the time. Watching. Waiting for a doorway into our lives. It only takes a crack to let him in.
Personally, I think he was pretty ticked off at the great BCG meeting we had last night and was messing with my head. There were so many folks in that room last night just focusing on what the BCGs can do in people’s lives that I think the devil was pretty angry. And when you have someone like me who would not watch the movie “Poltergeist” until about age 25 because it scared me so much at age 11 (partly because of the clown doll that tried to strangle the little boy in this movie), well, you have a crack in the doorway.
It’s ridiculous to admit, but I woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night and had thoughts of being stalked by Scooby Doo.. I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but I stopped and prayed then and there because I just had an uneasy feeling. I’ve had them before, like the devil is there with me, taunting me. I was not inclined to let him win.
In the grey light of day – cause I ain’t seein’ no sunshine out there today – I thought about the quote from Franklin D. Roosevelt , “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” And while I’m not afraid of my beloved Scooby, I’m pretty sure I felt something…off…last night and I wasn’t imagining it. The devil is crafty. He’ll try to get into your heart in ways you won’t even realize because they seem so silly and foolish. He can take something you love and turn it into something you fear. Don’t let him! And if you feel uneasy, PRAY!! Just because what you are feeling doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t valid.
And when in doubt, lock up the stuffed animals at night. Y’know…just in case.
***WARNING!!! I am about to share with you an atrociously stupid story for which you will, no doubt, mock me greatly later. I know it’s foolish, but I do have a point. Just remember, that.
Do you ever get the dumbest idea in your head and you know it’s totally stupid, but you can’t seem to shake it? If not, then you are one of the lucky ones! I get those thoughts from time to time and they make me nuts. Last night was one of those times.
I came home from the Bible Community Group leadership meeting and the house was dark. I was locking up the back door and glanced over into a dark corner where my beloved stuffed Scooby Doo resides (no, that’s not the mocking part yet). I’ve been a Scooby fan since I was a little girl growing up in Virginia . Every year we’d go to the Kings Dominion amusement park (just like Carowinds, but with different names for the rides) and every year I’d try to get my father to buy me a stuffed Scooby Doo. And every year, he’d tell me it was too expensive. I have no idea what the toy cost, but I never got my Scooby.
Fast forward to around 2003 and I was taking some student orientation leaders to Carowinds for a day trip. I spied a great stuffed Scooby and decided I had to buy it. I must have it!! And as an adult (which is debatable after this story I know) with disposable income, I could finally buy the toy for myself. I’ve loved that stuffed Scooby ever since I bought it and it represented something to me I guess to finally have it.
So last night, I’m looking at Scooby and thinking that in the dark, he can be a little creepy. Me being me, I start thinking, “You know, that’s how it starts in a horror movie. The toy jumps out at you in the dark of the night and attacks you!” (We are now getting towards the mocking part.) This thought refused to leave my head (not that I’m a drama queen or anything) and somehow it got all wrapped up in the notion of the devil being able to possess things and people and me not needing any proof of that whatsoever. Y’know, just in case Scooby really was about to go on the attack or something (let the mocking commence!).
The trouble with it all was, my mind got out of control and into such a weird, random place, but yet at the same time, I know the devil exists and can do a lot of things, just like I know that God exists and do amazing things. I need no visions of strange horror movie scenes to know that the devil is out there. All the time. Watching. Waiting for a doorway into our lives. It only takes a crack to let him in.
Personally, I think he was pretty ticked off at the great BCG meeting we had last night and was messing with my head. There were so many folks in that room last night just focusing on what the BCGs can do in people’s lives that I think the devil was pretty angry. And when you have someone like me who would not watch the movie “Poltergeist” until about age 25 because it scared me so much at age 11 (partly because of the clown doll that tried to strangle the little boy in this movie), well, you have a crack in the doorway.
It’s ridiculous to admit, but I woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night and had thoughts of being stalked by Scooby Doo.. I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but I stopped and prayed then and there because I just had an uneasy feeling. I’ve had them before, like the devil is there with me, taunting me. I was not inclined to let him win.
In the grey light of day – cause I ain’t seein’ no sunshine out there today – I thought about the quote from Franklin D. Roosevelt , “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” And while I’m not afraid of my beloved Scooby, I’m pretty sure I felt something…off…last night and I wasn’t imagining it. The devil is crafty. He’ll try to get into your heart in ways you won’t even realize because they seem so silly and foolish. He can take something you love and turn it into something you fear. Don’t let him! And if you feel uneasy, PRAY!! Just because what you are feeling doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t valid.
And when in doubt, lock up the stuffed animals at night. Y’know…just in case.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
How job searches are like dating
January 19, 2009
Time’s fun when you’re having flies. ~ Kermit the Frog ~
I think job searching is kind of like dating. You put your best face out there to the masses and hope that someone responds. Pick me! Pick me!! Ooooohhhh puuuhleeeeeze pick meeeeeee!!! Yeah, it kinda stinks of desperation sometimes too, doesn’t it? :o)
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. ~ Wendy Leibman ~
I had a job interview late today and it was ok. Not great. Not horrible. Just…okay. It was a phone interview which should theoretically be easier. I always get nervous though. I figure nerves are good because it means you are paying attention and concerned about what you are about to do.
I kept being struck, however, about how similar interviews are to dating. I mean, dating is just a personal interview really, right? Probing beneath the surface to see if there is a compatible substance there.
I struggle with the question of “Tell me about yourself” in job interviews. Ummm…what do you want to know? I need more to work with here!! As a rule, they want you to tell them about yourself professionally, but the last time I did that – in an interview about 4 months ago – they started asking me about my hobbies and what I do in my spare time. Huh? What? Isn’t that a question reserved for the dating interview as opposed to the job one??? W hat is up with that?!?!
So I fumbled and stumbled through that question today and felt like a general idiot. (Another great chance for a comparison to dating because when haven’t all of us been speaking to a member of the opposite sex and felt like a doofus? Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t because I won’t believe you!) Thankfully someone rescued me before I babbled on too much, but that was one of the first questions, so I’m not sure I made the best first impression, even though I kinda kicked butt on a few of those other questions. I guess it’s just time to brush up on my answer to that particular question – I soooo have the “What are your strengths and weaknesses” question down!!
At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~ Plato ~
Whether it’s dating or a job interview or whatever else, the only thing I know is that I don’t know anything. Well, that’s not completely true. I do know one thing. That God has a plan. I repeated that over and over again today to a lot of people who were just finding out about my lay off from my job. “All I know is that God has a plan. I’m glad one of us does and it’s better Him than me!” I don’t know what the plan is, but I rest peacefully being able to say and truly believe that God has one for me. I hope you do as well because I know he has one for you too.
“Secret forces are bringing compatible spirits together. If the man permits himself to be led by this ineffable attraction, good fortune will come his way. When deep friendships exist, formalities and elaborate preparations are not necessary.”
‘I Ching’ quote
I think job searching is kind of like dating. You put your best face out there to the masses and hope that someone responds. Pick me! Pick me!! Ooooohhhh puuuhleeeeeze pick meeeeeee!!! Yeah, it kinda stinks of desperation sometimes too, doesn’t it? :o)
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. ~ Wendy Leibman ~
I had a job interview late today and it was ok. Not great. Not horrible. Just…okay. It was a phone interview which should theoretically be easier. I always get nervous though. I figure nerves are good because it means you are paying attention and concerned about what you are about to do.
I kept being struck, however, about how similar interviews are to dating. I mean, dating is just a personal interview really, right? Probing beneath the surface to see if there is a compatible substance there.
I struggle with the question of “Tell me about yourself” in job interviews. Ummm…what do you want to know? I need more to work with here!! As a rule, they want you to tell them about yourself professionally, but the last time I did that – in an interview about 4 months ago – they started asking me about my hobbies and what I do in my spare time. Huh? What? Isn’t that a question reserved for the dating interview as opposed to the job one??? W hat is up with that?!?!
So I fumbled and stumbled through that question today and felt like a general idiot. (Another great chance for a comparison to dating because when haven’t all of us been speaking to a member of the opposite sex and felt like a doofus? Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t because I won’t believe you!) Thankfully someone rescued me before I babbled on too much, but that was one of the first questions, so I’m not sure I made the best first impression, even though I kinda kicked butt on a few of those other questions. I guess it’s just time to brush up on my answer to that particular question – I soooo have the “What are your strengths and weaknesses” question down!!
At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~ Plato ~
Whether it’s dating or a job interview or whatever else, the only thing I know is that I don’t know anything. Well, that’s not completely true. I do know one thing. That God has a plan. I repeated that over and over again today to a lot of people who were just finding out about my lay off from my job. “All I know is that God has a plan. I’m glad one of us does and it’s better Him than me!” I don’t know what the plan is, but I rest peacefully being able to say and truly believe that God has one for me. I hope you do as well because I know he has one for you too.
“Secret forces are bringing compatible spirits together. If the man permits himself to be led by this ineffable attraction, good fortune will come his way. When deep friendships exist, formalities and elaborate preparations are not necessary.”
‘I Ching’ quote
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Find the "No Whining Zone"
November 24, 2008
I hate to break this to you all, but I don't have a nice, sappy Thanksgiving message to share with you. As a rule, I really don't do the whole sappy thing anyway. When I send family members heart-felt cards, they wonder what is wrong with me. I usually “zing” them with something like telling my brother he is what every family wants for Thanksgiving…a turkey. That is what they expect from me. And believe it or not, that’s how they know I love them.
What can I say? We’re a wacky bunch. Our family Thanksgiving this year will consist of me, my father, my brother and his wife, her sister and mother, my brother’s 2 daughters, my brother’s ex-wife, her new husband and, if history repeats itself, probably my brother’s ex-mother-in-law and possibly some of his ex-wife’s new in-laws. Yeah, never a dull moment around that Thanksgiving table I assure you!
So now it’s time for some Thanksgiving Tough Love from Shannon.
Stop complaining. Get off your butt and DO SOMETHING!! Yeah, I’m talking to me too here, not just screeching at the masses.
If you can read this e-mail message, be thankful. That means you either have a computer at home, at work, or access to a computer. That’s a pretty big deal in some places, even though we tend to think of it is commonplace.
If you have a job, be thankful. Even if it’s not your dream job, it’s paying the bills and putting food on the table. Not everyone has that these days and in the future, it’s likely that a lot more will not have that to count on. I thank God regularly for my job and most of y’all know I’m not happy in my job for the most part. If I can put on my big girl pants and get over it, you can too (or big boy pants…just work with me here).
If you’re uncomfortable with something in your life, be thankful. That means that God is moving in your life. He’s with you and He won’t let you down. EVER. Count on it.
If you have aches and pains, be thankful. I hate merely saying I have arthritis, much less waking up with daily back pain, but you know what? I did wake up this morning. I got up out of bed all by myself and was able to feed and dress myself and drive myself to work. I promise you that there are people in the world who feel MUCH worse than you or I do today and are miserable because they can’t do things for themselves. I’m oddly grateful for the aches and pains some days because it means I have feeling. I might have strained a muscle, but at least I was able to do the activity that caused the strain.
I could go on and on, but I actually do have some work to do so I can keep the job that pays the bills and puts food on the table. Just remember that we ALL have a LOT to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I challenge us all to make this a “No Whining Zone” for…well, for however long you can keep it up! And when it’s impossible to keep it up, take a break, let it out, and start all over again.
But remember that you are never, ever the person in the worst situation out there. Someone has it worse than you or I do and someone is looking at your life or mine and thinking what a sweet deal we have. Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?
I hate to break this to you all, but I don't have a nice, sappy Thanksgiving message to share with you. As a rule, I really don't do the whole sappy thing anyway. When I send family members heart-felt cards, they wonder what is wrong with me. I usually “zing” them with something like telling my brother he is what every family wants for Thanksgiving…a turkey. That is what they expect from me. And believe it or not, that’s how they know I love them.
What can I say? We’re a wacky bunch. Our family Thanksgiving this year will consist of me, my father, my brother and his wife, her sister and mother, my brother’s 2 daughters, my brother’s ex-wife, her new husband and, if history repeats itself, probably my brother’s ex-mother-in-law and possibly some of his ex-wife’s new in-laws. Yeah, never a dull moment around that Thanksgiving table I assure you!
So now it’s time for some Thanksgiving Tough Love from Shannon.
Stop complaining. Get off your butt and DO SOMETHING!! Yeah, I’m talking to me too here, not just screeching at the masses.
If you can read this e-mail message, be thankful. That means you either have a computer at home, at work, or access to a computer. That’s a pretty big deal in some places, even though we tend to think of it is commonplace.
If you have a job, be thankful. Even if it’s not your dream job, it’s paying the bills and putting food on the table. Not everyone has that these days and in the future, it’s likely that a lot more will not have that to count on. I thank God regularly for my job and most of y’all know I’m not happy in my job for the most part. If I can put on my big girl pants and get over it, you can too (or big boy pants…just work with me here).
If you’re uncomfortable with something in your life, be thankful. That means that God is moving in your life. He’s with you and He won’t let you down. EVER. Count on it.
If you have aches and pains, be thankful. I hate merely saying I have arthritis, much less waking up with daily back pain, but you know what? I did wake up this morning. I got up out of bed all by myself and was able to feed and dress myself and drive myself to work. I promise you that there are people in the world who feel MUCH worse than you or I do today and are miserable because they can’t do things for themselves. I’m oddly grateful for the aches and pains some days because it means I have feeling. I might have strained a muscle, but at least I was able to do the activity that caused the strain.
I could go on and on, but I actually do have some work to do so I can keep the job that pays the bills and puts food on the table. Just remember that we ALL have a LOT to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I challenge us all to make this a “No Whining Zone” for…well, for however long you can keep it up! And when it’s impossible to keep it up, take a break, let it out, and start all over again.
But remember that you are never, ever the person in the worst situation out there. Someone has it worse than you or I do and someone is looking at your life or mine and thinking what a sweet deal we have. Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
September 22, 2008
What do you say when you really don't have anything to say? Do you follow the advice Thumper's mother gave him - if you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all? I'm not sure, but I've been thinking about it today because I don't have anything to say!! No words of (semi)wisdom. No stories to share. Tales to tell. I always pray and ask God to give me whatever He might want me to share with y'all in any given week, but this week He's not sending me any signals. Hmmm... maybe that in itself is a sign?
I've got a few disjointed things running around in my brain about taking things on faith. About making situations work, whether your heart is in them or not. But it's all a mish mash of stuff. So I'll just leave you with the following quotation from Charlie Brown: “If I stand here, I can see the Little Red Haired girl when she comes out of her house... Of course, if she sees me peeking around this tree, she'll think I'm the dumbest person in the world... But if I don't peek around the tree, I'll never see her... Which means I probably am the dumbest person in the world... which explains why I'm standing in a batch of poison oak.”
Yeah, it has nothing to do with anything, but I'll bet it made (some of) you smile.
What do you say when you really don't have anything to say? Do you follow the advice Thumper's mother gave him - if you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all? I'm not sure, but I've been thinking about it today because I don't have anything to say!! No words of (semi)wisdom. No stories to share. Tales to tell. I always pray and ask God to give me whatever He might want me to share with y'all in any given week, but this week He's not sending me any signals. Hmmm... maybe that in itself is a sign?
I've got a few disjointed things running around in my brain about taking things on faith. About making situations work, whether your heart is in them or not. But it's all a mish mash of stuff. So I'll just leave you with the following quotation from Charlie Brown: “If I stand here, I can see the Little Red Haired girl when she comes out of her house... Of course, if she sees me peeking around this tree, she'll think I'm the dumbest person in the world... But if I don't peek around the tree, I'll never see her... Which means I probably am the dumbest person in the world... which explains why I'm standing in a batch of poison oak.”
Yeah, it has nothing to do with anything, but I'll bet it made (some of) you smile.
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