I sent this off as an e-mail to some friends today and then decided to post it on my blog. It's kind of rambling and I like to focus more when I write, but that's the way of the blog I guess.
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First of all, never, EVER read sad things when you don't want to cry like a baby and then feel like a big dork. And I usually feel like a dork at least 5 times a day, so that’s not new.
That said, I settled in to read the updates of friends of mine on their blogs about the memorial service this past weekend for my friend Andrea,, who passed away September 20th from breast cancer. I still tear up thinking about her and how hard she fought to live. But when I started reading details about the memorial service (and status updates on Facebook on Saturday night), I realized there was an Andrea out there that I had no idea about. NO IDEA.
Admittedly, we didn’t keep in touch on a very regular basis and the last time I saw her was in 2007 before I went to Australia. But I prayed for her a lot through this ordeal that some of you are all too familiar with from personal experience too. And I thought it was really cool that she was in DC working for the State Department and then the American Embassy in Iraq.
Little did I know…
The truth of the matter was, Andrea was a spy for the CIA. As my friend Karen said on her blog, “She wasn't just reading and editing documents like I thought she was doing all these years. She was on the field of Iraq, wearing burkas to meet informants to bring back info to our government, planning strategies to secure our soldiers through the counter terrorism division of the CIA. *blink blink* I'm sorry, whaaat?!”
That about sums up my thoughts.
My friend Andrea who I met a decade ago on an internet bulletin board devoted to romance author Judith McNaught. The one who loved to dance and loved her dog Belle. The one who loved her husband and family. The one who didn’t believe she could totally work that pink leather dress we made her try on in Vegas (but she totally could). Andrea was a spy.
The program from her memorial says the following: “Andrea was a Collections Management Officer (CMO) which is a position in the National Clandestine Service (NCS). She worked at the National Counter Terrorism Center (NCTC). CMO's like Operations Officers, are engaged in the full cycle of intelligence collection operations.”
I’m in awe. Truly in awe. Possibly even speechless and y’all know how hard that is for me not to talk! LOL
When I started thinking about how Andrea followed her dream to work with the CIA and how she was risking her life to serve our country through public service, it made me feel rather small and petty and quite often childish. Most definitely selfish. I realize the members of our military do that every day, all the time. But this is somehow different. Much more personal I guess.
My life just seemed so, so small.
But then I realized that no life is small. You can make it small if you choose, but no life is small. Everything we do has purpose and meaning. We might not realize it at the time, but it does. It’s like my pastor said said on Sunday, everyone is put into your life for a reason. It’s not by chance - there is always a purpose.
God did me a huge favor putting Andrea in my life. I will never, ever forget her. And when I feel like I am not doing enough in the world, I’ll stop and remember that my life isn’t small. I have an impact. Not, perhaps, as big as some others have on the world, but I make a difference. Every day. To someone.
AND SO DO YOU!! We are not in each other’s lives by accident but by divine direction. The choice is yours to make on what you do with what you are given. Such a simple concept, but one that I think I need to repeat to myself over and over and hope it sticks.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1989!
I have not felt inspired to update this blog in a couple of weeks, but now that my 20th high school reunion has come and gone, I want to get my thoughts written down.
To say that I have overly excited about this reunion is a gross understatement. Ever since planning started over Thanksgiving weekend last year, I've been anticipating the reunion. That being the case, I was afraid that it might not live up to my expectations, but I'm happy to say that it did. The only complaint is that it was much too short. It's so hard to fit everything - and everyONE - into about 36 hours. Crazy.
By far the best part of the weekend was spending time with some of my very best friends. I love getting together, though we do it far too infrequently. Fortunately, we can pick up right where we left off which I love! We can move into and out of and back into each others' lives through the years and somehow manage it almost seemlessly. We're similar, yet different. Somehow it just works.
I often feel just one step outside the circle though because we really did have different high school experiences. Oh sure, we had the same classes sometimes, same friends, teachers. We were growing up in the same location. But my parents were pretty protective and if I did not have a destination and an estimated time of arrival back home, I wasn't going to get out of the house. Plus, they hated the idea of me riding in the car with teenagers driving, so I never really went out. So a lot of things went on in high school that I wasn't a part of. That's not a complaint at all - just a simple statement of fact. And the only other thing I'm going to say on that subject is I'm glad some of y'all made it out of high school alive. LOL
In addition to spending time with the usual suspects, I had a chance to speak to some other folks outside that circle from the Class of 89 which is something I had hoped for. In a class of about 600 students and a school of nearly 2000, it's impossible to know everyone. But for me, part of the purpose of a 20 year reunion is to throw off the old high school cliquishness and stereotypes and talk to folks. You don't have to act like best friends with people that might not have given you - or you given them - the time of day in the past, but as adults, it's nice to be able to realize that that was then and this is now. So for me it was nice to have a chat here and there with folks that I remember, but didn't know that well. Through the magic of Facebook, we are into and out of each others' lives anyway, so it would be silly not to speak.
Facebook gets a bad rap a lot of the time, but I heard more than once someone say that if it hadn't been for reconnecting with people on FB they would not have come to the reunion. At least FB is sometimes using its power for good and not evil. LOL
It was also interesting to me to be told a couple of times by folks that they wish they had known me better in high school. It was a nice compliment and to took it in the spirit it was intended as I know it was sincerely meant. But I know it was also based on their knowledge of who I am now and that is not necessarily who I was then. There are no guarantees they would have liked me then! Of course, I think I'm very different now than I was then, but I'd have to leave the truth of that up to those who have known me this whole time to decide just how different I might be. I'm louder that's for damned sure!
In the end, I think everyone who attended had a good time. I hope they did anyway. Twenty years ago it was easy to get wrapped up in who were the "cool" kids and who was popular or unpopular (which was totally subjective then AND now), but for me that's all in the past. Sorry popular kids! We've all pulled you down a few rungs as we've climbed up the ladder and we're all on even turf now. :o) But I mean that in the nicest way possible, because I think 20 years down the road that's where we SHOULD be. All on the same level. And really, that's where we were 20 years ago, we just didn't realize it.
To say that I have overly excited about this reunion is a gross understatement. Ever since planning started over Thanksgiving weekend last year, I've been anticipating the reunion. That being the case, I was afraid that it might not live up to my expectations, but I'm happy to say that it did. The only complaint is that it was much too short. It's so hard to fit everything - and everyONE - into about 36 hours. Crazy.
By far the best part of the weekend was spending time with some of my very best friends. I love getting together, though we do it far too infrequently. Fortunately, we can pick up right where we left off which I love! We can move into and out of and back into each others' lives through the years and somehow manage it almost seemlessly. We're similar, yet different. Somehow it just works.
I often feel just one step outside the circle though because we really did have different high school experiences. Oh sure, we had the same classes sometimes, same friends, teachers. We were growing up in the same location. But my parents were pretty protective and if I did not have a destination and an estimated time of arrival back home, I wasn't going to get out of the house. Plus, they hated the idea of me riding in the car with teenagers driving, so I never really went out. So a lot of things went on in high school that I wasn't a part of. That's not a complaint at all - just a simple statement of fact. And the only other thing I'm going to say on that subject is I'm glad some of y'all made it out of high school alive. LOL
In addition to spending time with the usual suspects, I had a chance to speak to some other folks outside that circle from the Class of 89 which is something I had hoped for. In a class of about 600 students and a school of nearly 2000, it's impossible to know everyone. But for me, part of the purpose of a 20 year reunion is to throw off the old high school cliquishness and stereotypes and talk to folks. You don't have to act like best friends with people that might not have given you - or you given them - the time of day in the past, but as adults, it's nice to be able to realize that that was then and this is now. So for me it was nice to have a chat here and there with folks that I remember, but didn't know that well. Through the magic of Facebook, we are into and out of each others' lives anyway, so it would be silly not to speak.
Facebook gets a bad rap a lot of the time, but I heard more than once someone say that if it hadn't been for reconnecting with people on FB they would not have come to the reunion. At least FB is sometimes using its power for good and not evil. LOL
It was also interesting to me to be told a couple of times by folks that they wish they had known me better in high school. It was a nice compliment and to took it in the spirit it was intended as I know it was sincerely meant. But I know it was also based on their knowledge of who I am now and that is not necessarily who I was then. There are no guarantees they would have liked me then! Of course, I think I'm very different now than I was then, but I'd have to leave the truth of that up to those who have known me this whole time to decide just how different I might be. I'm louder that's for damned sure!
In the end, I think everyone who attended had a good time. I hope they did anyway. Twenty years ago it was easy to get wrapped up in who were the "cool" kids and who was popular or unpopular (which was totally subjective then AND now), but for me that's all in the past. Sorry popular kids! We've all pulled you down a few rungs as we've climbed up the ladder and we're all on even turf now. :o) But I mean that in the nicest way possible, because I think 20 years down the road that's where we SHOULD be. All on the same level. And really, that's where we were 20 years ago, we just didn't realize it.
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