I sent this off as an e-mail to some friends today and then decided to post it on my blog. It's kind of rambling and I like to focus more when I write, but that's the way of the blog I guess.
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First of all, never, EVER read sad things when you don't want to cry like a baby and then feel like a big dork. And I usually feel like a dork at least 5 times a day, so that’s not new.
That said, I settled in to read the updates of friends of mine on their blogs about the memorial service this past weekend for my friend Andrea,, who passed away September 20th from breast cancer. I still tear up thinking about her and how hard she fought to live. But when I started reading details about the memorial service (and status updates on Facebook on Saturday night), I realized there was an Andrea out there that I had no idea about. NO IDEA.
Admittedly, we didn’t keep in touch on a very regular basis and the last time I saw her was in 2007 before I went to Australia. But I prayed for her a lot through this ordeal that some of you are all too familiar with from personal experience too. And I thought it was really cool that she was in DC working for the State Department and then the American Embassy in Iraq.
Little did I know…
The truth of the matter was, Andrea was a spy for the CIA. As my friend Karen said on her blog, “She wasn't just reading and editing documents like I thought she was doing all these years. She was on the field of Iraq, wearing burkas to meet informants to bring back info to our government, planning strategies to secure our soldiers through the counter terrorism division of the CIA. *blink blink* I'm sorry, whaaat?!”
That about sums up my thoughts.
My friend Andrea who I met a decade ago on an internet bulletin board devoted to romance author Judith McNaught. The one who loved to dance and loved her dog Belle. The one who loved her husband and family. The one who didn’t believe she could totally work that pink leather dress we made her try on in Vegas (but she totally could). Andrea was a spy.
The program from her memorial says the following: “Andrea was a Collections Management Officer (CMO) which is a position in the National Clandestine Service (NCS). She worked at the National Counter Terrorism Center (NCTC). CMO's like Operations Officers, are engaged in the full cycle of intelligence collection operations.”
I’m in awe. Truly in awe. Possibly even speechless and y’all know how hard that is for me not to talk! LOL
When I started thinking about how Andrea followed her dream to work with the CIA and how she was risking her life to serve our country through public service, it made me feel rather small and petty and quite often childish. Most definitely selfish. I realize the members of our military do that every day, all the time. But this is somehow different. Much more personal I guess.
My life just seemed so, so small.
But then I realized that no life is small. You can make it small if you choose, but no life is small. Everything we do has purpose and meaning. We might not realize it at the time, but it does. It’s like my pastor said said on Sunday, everyone is put into your life for a reason. It’s not by chance - there is always a purpose.
God did me a huge favor putting Andrea in my life. I will never, ever forget her. And when I feel like I am not doing enough in the world, I’ll stop and remember that my life isn’t small. I have an impact. Not, perhaps, as big as some others have on the world, but I make a difference. Every day. To someone.
AND SO DO YOU!! We are not in each other’s lives by accident but by divine direction. The choice is yours to make on what you do with what you are given. Such a simple concept, but one that I think I need to repeat to myself over and over and hope it sticks.
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