Sunday, July 24, 2016

How I'm learning to "bless and release".

“May you be happy.  May you be healthy.  May you be peaceful.  May you know love."

I  found that quote on someone's blog when I was looking for more definitions of what it means to "bless and release" someone or something. I had the general idea of what it all meant, but wanted to dig a little deeper.

The idea of "blessing and releasing" something that isn't working in your life - whether it is a relationship or a life situation like a job or the place where you live - may not be a new concept to most or many people, but it's a new one for me. I was recently introduced to it by my friend Rachel while we were discussing some areas of our respective lives that just aren't working. If I understand the idea correctly, it's about accepting people and situations as they are, without trying to mold them into what you want them to be. And then letting those things go.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time in my hometown here in South Carolina. It's really my 2nd hometown, but the one that I claim more as "home" than the town where I spent the first 13 years of my life. I went to high school there and lived there for about 10 years as an adult later on. I moved away 4 years ago, but go back with regularity to see family and friends. It's only an hour away, so it's not like it's a hardship. I had time to kill between activities yesterday, so I was looking for things to do and people to see and let me tell you, it was not easy to kill 4+ hours of time in that city.

Sumter isn't a large city nor is it a small town. I'm not really sure how I would classify it, but the trouble is, there really isn't anything to do. The mall is sadly lacking in shopping options. I remember the mall heyday of the 80s and how many great shops it had. You could easily spend hours there without worrying about having a place to shop. The mall had a facelift in the past year and inside does look nice, except for the extreme lack of stores. There are very few big chain stores and those are what is going to anchor a shopping mall. I've never understood the change to people wanting that outdoor shopping plaza experience because I prefer to be indoors and not have to worry about the weather, but that seems to be how things have moved over the years. This mall simply doesn't have much to offer and the stores it does have are either overcrowded with merchandise, have very poor heating and air systems (it was pretty miserably hot in JC Penney), or they are dirty. One store I went into had absolutely filthy carpeting and I am baffled that they haven't bothered to clean it. I mean, it was clear something massive was spilled all over and not just recently. But I'm getting off the original topic. The point of the mall was that I was going to kill time there and I did manage to, but it was a challenge.

Outside of the mall, I'm not sure of any public places you can go to just "hang out". Not that there were any of those necessarily when I was younger and you also might not expect to find that in a smaller city. I get that. I could have gone to the public library certainly, but I never made it that far. And I totally forgot about catching a movie which surely would have done the job. I did stop at the local art gallery to check out a couple of pieces a friend has in a show there and that gave me at least 30 minutes of time well spent, but that's where I seemed to have my epiphany (although that may be giving it a much better name and value than it deserves).

As I was leaving the parking lot of the gallery, just down the street from my old house, I realized that I can never go back and live in Sumter again. If I still had a home there, I would have been busy at home that afternoon or possibly even doing something with friends (though I'm not sure what as I can't recall much going on on Saturday afternoons in the past), but without a base to work from, there really didn't seem to be anything to do. Maybe it's because I have a volunteer commitment every Saturday afternoon now and that gives me something that I know I am going to be doing. A place I'll pretty much always be going each week. Oh, but I'm getting all tied up in having places to go and things to do and I'm well aware of things that happen in Sumter and "things to do". Activities that are scheduled and events that take place. That's not really the point, even though it's what I seem to be going on about.

Driving away I was hit with the thought that this really wasn't my home anymore. For a few years now, every month when I drive into town, I would be hit with a wave of nostalgia. If I spent any significant time in town, I would really feel the pull. Things are familiar in Sumter. Things are easy. Nothing is too far from anything else. I know people there. My father still lives there. It's definitely my comfort zone. But should I be living life inside my comfort zone? Is that really living? Shouldn't I be challenging myself and pushing the boundaries?

Oh, those may be questions for another day, but the impact of those thoughts stayed with me. After dinner at a friend's house, we were chatting and someone asked if I would really want to move back to town. I relayed the thoughts I'd had earlier in the day and started to get a little choked up. I said that I'd had the realization that this wasn't my home anymore. That I didn't think I could really live there again for various reasons. I have friends there and could always be very involved in the community theater again, but other than that, I had a hell of a time figuring out what would anchor me there.

I guess this hit me so strangely because it came out of left field. I've spent a lot of time thinking "If only I could move back, then life would be easier. It's so simple there." And then to suddenly realize that it probably wouldn't work for you, well, I just wasn't expecting that. I'm still processing it.

And now we're back to the idea of "bless and release". I told my friends last night that I had the clear feeling that it was time for me to bless and release my hometown and move on. It will always be my hometown. Always be where I'm from. But it's not necessarily where I can go back to. I had to do the same thing 2 years ago with the town of my childhood, Chester, VA. I went for a visit as an adult and saw it through adult eyes. I still have the great memories of my childhood, but it's not that place anymore. Which doesn't make it a bad place, mind you, it's simply not my place.

When I was traveling through Western Australia 9 years ago (Holy crap! How is that 9 years ago?!?!), the last night of our trip, I was chatting with someone at a banquet and he told me his son was in the USA doing a study abroad program and struggling. He wanted to come home, but his dad told him to remember that "It's not good. It's not bad. It's just different." I pull that out now and then as a good reminder to myself when I'm in an uncomfortable situation. Sometimes, it's just different.

Yesterday I learned some unexpected lessons. In fact, I've been doing that since last October, when I declared the "Year of Yes" to be happening. I can't say that they are always welcome lessons, but we learn from everyone and everything that comes into our lives. And one lesson to learn is that sometimes you have to bless and release. Whether it's people, places, experiences. We have to let go and move on. Now that I've B&R'd my hometown, I'm looking around at other parts of my life where that may need to happen. I hate letting go of things, of people, but maybe it's time to look for the blessings to be gained from doing that. The ones I can give as well as the ones I can receive.




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