Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Discovering Midnight Blue

I never cared for the color midnight blue as a child. I always thought it was one of the more useless colors in my Crayola box of 64 and never wanted to use it. It wasn’t blue. It wasn’t black. It wasn’t bright and vivid and bold, as I prefer my colors to be.

I have, however, always (as far as I can remember, anyway) enjoyed gazing up at the night sky. Which is really black, not blue. I get that. Work with me here. I have grand dreams of lying on a blanket in the grass and simply spending a few hours gazing at the moon and stars as they twinkle in the sky. Of course, I also have a great fear of spiders and rather serious aversion to all other creepy crawly things that might take up residence in my backyard, so that’s not likely to happen any time soon sadly.

When I was in Australia 4 years ago one of my favorite things was looking at the sky the week we stayed in Kojonup. Being out in the country it was easier to get away from artificial lights and appreciate more what nature provided. I could see the Southern Cross and Orion (though upside down) and the Milky Way. *dreamy sigh* It was love for sure.

And now I content myself to stop whenever I find myself under the night sky and spend a few moments gazing upwards to the heavens and enjoying the great spectacle that God has created. It’s not my Kojonup sky, but it’ll do in a pinch.

Sometimes that “pinch” happens when I’m driving to work in the mornings. It’s a well-established fact that I have to get up and go entirely too early in the morning. I whine about it incessantly and since I know my character, that is not likely to stop any time soon. I whine. I’m a whiner. I get that. Deal and move on, m’kay? Thanks.

But there are mornings when I’m driving and see the most amazing moon low in the sky. Orange or covered in clouds or just up there glowing. The moon fascinates me. And as much as I loathe being on the road commuting before daylight, it has given me an opportunity to discover midnight blue.

I first noticed a few months ago the change in the sky as sunrise was approaching. Oh, I “noticed” it all along because I would think, “Thank goodness the sun is finally coming up! Daylight! Sunshine! GIMME!!” But I never really noticed it. Never saw it. And then one day I realized that the sky was this amazing shade of blue as daylight approached. No, not the sky blue or baby blue of a coming sunrise that’s all mixed in with pinks and oranges and such. But a blue that I realized must be midnight blue. And it was lovely. I said a quick little prayer and thanked God for showing me midnight blue and every time I see it, I say the same prayer. Just as I give thanks for the beautiful moon that cheers me as I drive (and feel like a freakin’ vampire which, I am sorry to say, I have yet to find the will to say a prayer for thanks for that feeling of living in darkness all the darned time).

I have been praying daily now for about 8 months over a list of 5 things that I gave up to God in order to have Him transform my life. I must admit that while I see slight movements and changes in those areas, I have not experienced the massive change that I had hoped and prayed for. My faith in the changes happening is shaky at best and I’m honest with God about that when I pray. Nothing happens that is not in God’s time. I am well aware of that. I’m also well aware that things are happening in my life in those areas. They might be extremely tiny baby steps, but I can’t say that nothing has happened. It’s just that all the something I have wanted to happen has yet to materialize. And it puts me on a teeter totter of faith that seems to go up and down constantly. And oh how I hate commuting! I pray and pray and ask God for some resolution to my situation. All I really want is to live and work in the same city and I am no longer picky over which city that is. So long as they have indoor plumbing and electricity, I’m open to the possibilities beyond the 2 cities that currently claim my life. And yet the drive continues and the lack of sleep continues, hence the whining continues.

Perhaps in the end, it’s about more than my list of 5 things that I want God to take over in my life. Life is all about the journey after all. So there is really no “perhaps” to my previous statement I know. I’ve learned some things in the past 8 months about myself…and others. I’ve questioned myself and my faith, but never my God. And I have finally discovered midnight blue, which I have the sneaking suspicion at the end of this journey is going to hold a much deeper meaning than just the color of the sky.

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