Enjoying the little indulgences in life

Have you ever taken a load of laundry out of the dryer and it was so soft and so warm that you just wanted to curl up in it? I do that all the time and today I finally indulged in doing just that. I was carrying the pile to toss on my bed to fold and sort later and decided instead to throw myself onto the bed with the laundry on top. I have to tell you, it was one of the best feelings I've experienced in quite a while. Hot like a soothing shower or an electric blanket set at exactly the right temp, the heat radiating from the laundry felt so, so good. Warm. Soft. It smelled so good. I wanted to stay that way forever, but I settled for about 10 minutes tops.

That little moment of indulgence is indicative of what I am trying to incorporate into my life these days. Oh, I indulge in food all the time. That's how I got up to the highest weights I've been over the years. I have a problem with my filter system in general (say things, do things that maybe I shouldn't a lot of the time) and food is one filter that I never seem to use at all. But other than buying books all the time, eating too many Oreos, and probably sleeping way too much (I slept over 8 hours last night which is great on the one hand, but on the other hand, I have a headache and "sleep hangover" today), but I don't always just do little things that are indulgent. Today, I changed that.

Back at the start of 2015, I took a mindfulness and meditation class. Or rather, I tried to. After about 4 of the 8 weeks of the class, I had to stop going. I hate to start things and not finish them (like the French class I started in the winter of 2014 and quickly gave up on), but I was not happy trying to meditate. Put me in a chair and make me it still and quiet for 45 minutes while having to also keep a completely clear mind...well, that's torture for me. I stopped that and found a new Zumba class instead and was much happier for it. I do, however, try to remember some of the things I learned in those classes and being mindful of whatever situation I am currently in is one of those things. Sometimes it's as simple as closing my eyes and standing with the hot shower spray pouring over my head and simply breathing. Other times it's listening to the sound made when I peel a clementine (I know, it's weird, but it was an exercise we did in class and I really like the sound it makes) or inhaling that first citrusy scent when you get that peeling off of the fruit.

While laying under my little pile of laundry, all toasty and warm and content, I tried to clear my mind as much as possible and simply be there in that moment. To feel the warmth, the softness. Smell the scent of clean laundry. To stop, or at least slow down, which is not something I am good at. My little respite only lasted about 10 minutes or less, but it was so worth it (except that now I really want to take a nap!).

We are heading into the holidays and I have found those to be quite a struggle the past few years. This is also a very busy time of year at work for me and I have been trying to do advance prep to ensure that this is a less stressful time for me if it can be. I'm looking for more fun things to do - whether it's curling up with some dedicated reading time or forcing myself to be out and social (which is not my forte, regardless of the fact that I can talk a stranger's ear off in the right situation) - and ways to make sure I am eating healthier and getting enough exercise. Whatever I can do to make this time of year easier for me since it has recently been so hard to deal with. Some days that may include taking a break under a pile of warm laundry. Or peeling a clementine with it right up to my ear. Going to be early because I am sleepy (rather than forcing myself to stay awake because "it's too early to go to bed"). And maybe even eating some Oreos (life is not complete without them - true story). I'm also going to be on the lookout for more of the little indulgences I can, well, indulge in because why wouldn't you want to be happy if you can be? That's not a trick question...

True Confessions: I hate reading the Bible

When I somewhat rashly declared to a co-worker a few weeks ago that this would be a year when I said "yes" to things more than "no", I was thinking along the lines of finally learning how to use my grandmother's crochet hooks (or give them away and have one less bit of "stuff" hanging around) or trying once again to learn to juggle after having attempted it - and given up pretty quickly - a couple of years ago. Then one day last week I was driving to work and a little voice inside my head said, (well, I'm paraphrasing here because I was probably also listening to the radio as well as the voice in my head) "What about reading the Bible?'

Having been raised in the church it's not like the Bible is a foreign thing to me. I've spent enough time in Sunday School or in various Bible studies to know enough of this and that, but I'll never pretend to have read the entire book or know every story, chapter or verse.

The simple truth is, I hate reading the Bible. I have tried many times to read it through because I've felt that it was my duty and obligation to do that, but I just can't. Those plans that show you how to read through it in a year make me nuts. It's too much. It's overwhelming. Honestly, it bores me and trying to stick to a schedule laid out like that stresses me out.

That's probably not a popular stance to take (depending on who you are talking to), but it's honest.

Those lay out so many chapters and pages to read in a single day and it's impossible for me to do that. I can handle maybe a chapter at a time, but page after page after page....I can't focus on it. I don't retain anything and as I said before, it doesn't interest me. I don't know whether it's the language or the subject matter (hey, you try getting through the book of Numbers and remain engaged) or simply the daunting thought of all those pages and trying to understand and retain them. My head spins and I go back to whatever else I was reading before I stopped for what feels like the obligatory reading.

Whatever it is, I just can't do it. Or maybe I won't do it. I have many petulant child moments in my life where I simply refuse to do something because it's either too hard or too boring or I simply don't want to do it. That may be the case here. Have I simply tried, but not tried hard enough? Because I love to read and can read for hours, just not the Bible.

I try to cut myself some slack because I know I'm not alone in this, I can't be. Other people have to feel the way I do. Then I start to wonder if I should push myself, force myself, to read it whether I really want to or not, but that seems like just as bad of an idea. I've never felt like God wanted someone to be forced into belief or worship or spending time with him. I mean, would anyone want that? I want people to spend time with me because they want to, not because they feel that they have to. I think God is the same.

That doesn't really solve my problem of wishing I enjoyed reading the Bible though. I could push and push myself to do it, but I'm not sure that's the way to go about it either. I don't know that I'll get anything out of it that way. So now I just wait and consider whether I am missing something that should be a "yes" - even if it's really, really hard - because it's easier to make it a "no".