Sometimes it's a numbers game

I knew what I wanted to write about earlier today, when I was unable to spend any time whatsoever writing, but not I’m not so sure. I guess I’ll type and see what comes out.

I had some thinking time on my hands this morning while I was proctoring an exam and I started thinking about how annoying it must be for my Facebook friends to see constant posts from me about any weight loss I’ve had or when someone says something nice to me at work (as happened yesterday). I realize it must get very annoying to have someone throwing out things like that all the time and it certainly gives an unrealistic impression of what a person’s life is like. Nothing is all happy hearts and flowers all the time. But then again, who wants to hear about the crappy parts of someone’s life? 

When it comes to something positive happening to or being said to me, I can’t seem to help myself but to share it on social media. I thought about why that is and the reality, you see, is that in my life no one is throwing around compliments. Now, no one is throwing around insults either and my family loves me and all that stuff, but in general, the world doesn’t usually throw the niceties in my direction. Well, not about how I look, anyway and yeah, I guess it’s a sore spot. So if someone tells me I look nice or they like my outfit or that I look good (due to my weight loss), well, I can’t seem to help myself. 

I know that the number on the scale should not matter, but dammit, it does! I can’t help it, but it does. Since I have lost 35 pounds this year I am more comfortable in my own skin. I am not now nor will I ever be a skinny person. Even if I lose more weight (and I would like to), I’m never going to be a small girl. That’s just my reality. But being comfortable in my skin means so much to me. It makes me more confident over all, just in daily life. I have a spring in my step – possibly literally as I have noticed I move quicker than I used to – and I’m just happier. I don’t feel pretty and I sure wish I did, because I’d love to know what it’s like to go through at least one day in life feeling pretty, but I frequently feel sassy and am working on my confidence level in general, so good for me.

I think I started recognizing the physical changes one day as I was getting dressed for work and realized that my butt was smaller. Oh, it’s not smaller in width, but it’s flatter for sure. I was pretty shocked, even though I knew my pants were looser. And my shoulders! Can we talk about my shoulders for a minute? I think they are my favorite body part now because I see and feel the tone in them. I’d like to lift and tuck other body parts, but my shoulders make me very happy.

The point of all of this? Well, I’m not really sure. I love how I am happier in my body than I used to be, but I sure wish I could get my mindset in a better place. Never did I assume that losing weight would change my life in some dramatic way other than needing to buy some new clothes. I’m naïve, but not that naïve. Perhaps I just have to work to build a new brain while I’m also working to build this new body.

The Year of Yes

This is one of those times when I remember that I have a blog, a very unused blog, but it's still here and so I am, so maybe I can write more in the future. I'm not sure I've ever worried whether people are reading it or not, which is probably good since who knows if anyone does. But sometimes you just want to put things out there into the world and have that cathartic experience and blogs are definitely good for that.

My brain has been all mixed up with so many things this past week and the capper today was learning that a friend and colleague passed away last night. If I am not handling it well, I know that tomorrow at the office is going to be simply horrible. I've been trying to divert myself all day from thinking about it and where I'd usually turn to food to make me feel better, I'm planning to lace up my shoes and get out and get moving once I type up this blog. I need fresh air and time with my thoughts and with God. So many things going on that I just do not understand and God hasn't been providing any clear answers so my brain refuses to shut down. Maybe soon.

That said, I usually make loud noises about it being the "Month of Shannon" in October since my birthday was the 15th, but with the SC floods a few weeks ago, I haven't been quite myself. I was fortunate enough not to have lost home or property, but it was impossible not to have been effected by things. My days, weeks, seem to have been thrown off and now the month is nearly done and I can hardly remember any of it happening at all.

I did manage to have a very nice birthday though. Or at least the day after. My birthday itself was quite normal and dull, but I am not complaining. I had to work and usually I take the day off, so I really celebrated the day after with a fabulous bucket list concert - getting to see Night Ranger perform live! I've loved them for over 30 years so finally seeing them live was a dream (melodramatic to call it that, but such is life and such am I).

Hello boys, I love you!! Such a great birthday gift to see them perform "When You Close Your Eyes" live. I pretended it was all just for me. I know it was. I just know it.

Just a bonus that it was also Foreigner and Def Leppard headlining the bill. Four hours of hits with three great bands. You can't complain about that.

Def Leppard, rockin' their hits. Loved the show and this band! Now I'm on a kick of updating my DL CD library with 3 on the way this week. Can't ever have too much good music, right? Right!

With strange things afoot (and nary a Circle K in sight), I declared to a co-worker last week that this year, between my 44th and 45th birthdays, would be the "Year of Yes". Meaning that I would take advantage of opportunities that come my way by saying "yes" whenever possible. That's how I ended up buying Jackson Browne concert tickets the other day when I'm not sure how many Jackson Browne songs I can actually name. But I know enough about the man and his music to know that I didn't want to miss his acoustic tour coming through town in a few months, so tickets were purchased, a friend secured to attend, and in January we'll be sitting there enjoying the show.

Cake. Sometimes it's what's for breakfast. Not my birthday cake, but since I didn't have cake on my actual birthday, this seemed like a good idea. Or at least an idea that was totally going to happen.

I can't say exactly how I am defining the "Year of Yes" (or if it should really be subject to much of a definition), but I'll work it out as I go along. Mostly it's just being open to what comes along. I am very much a homebody. I like to come home after work and crash with a good book and some dinner and get to bed early. I love sleep, so more is merrier to me. I have friends, but most are married and have kids, so as a single person it can be a challenge to find people who want to go places and do things. But again, I'm happy to be at home. It's just not conducive to, well, doing more than being at home alone watching TV. Making friends gets harder with age and all the commitments that come with being an adult, so giving myself a push out into the world can't be a bad thing.

I have at least one friend who always asks if I am dating anyone, so let me just say that I date once every 10 years. That's how it seems to go (because it's hard to date when no one asks you), so right now I'm good until 2020. I don't foresee that changing in the coming year, but if asked, I suppose I'd say yes. That sounds bad, doesn't it? "I suppose I'd say yes", like it's a burden to have someone want to date you. You have to draw the line somewhere and usually I do that at ritual sacrifice, so yeah, going on a date would be a yes, but please no one hold their breath on that one. History proves that I am just not a girl that men are attracted to and want to date. At least not men that I am attracted to and I believe that it has to be mutual. But it's ok. I roll with it.

The weekend has basically slipped away from me now, so I should get up and get out. Hell, I might even run a little bit. It's like I'm a pod person since I lost some weight, but in the best way possible. I'm down 35 pounds now and never thought I would be able to make that happen. I'm sure people are tired of seeing me post about it on Facebook, but if there is ONE person out there in the world who can see that I have been able to do this and finds even a tiny bit of motivation, then it's worth it.

Oh wait. Someone on social media just said it was 80 degrees and humid outside. Um...I hate that kind of weather. Maybe the walking/running thing will have to wait for another day, while I go dust and empty the trash. Yep. Living an exciting life right here baby, but hey, it's the Year of Yes. Anything can happen, right? Maybe just about anything at all if I'm willing to take a chance and say yes.