It’s not even Labor Day yet and soon all the holiday decorations will be everywhere. I don’t mind so much because autumn is my favorite time of the year. I’m my happiest when the weather turns cooler and I can open the windows to let in the breezes. I like crunching leaves under my feet when I walk and how festive it gets from October through New Year’s. And it doesn’t hurt that I found candy corn already on sale in Walmart yesterday either.
As the song goes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Or is it?
I’ve heard for years about how the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) are the time with the highest suicide rates and when folks tend to be the most depressed and as a rule I have “poo-pooed” that notion. Until last year.
The reason I start getting amped up in October is that my birthday is in mid-October and then Halloween happens. Those are 2 days that I enjoy, plus I like decorating for Halloween. With the cooler weather I just feel festive.
The trouble is…my birthday never turns out the way I want it to. In my head I have this fanciful notion that it will be the greatest birthday every. I have no idea exactly the specifics that that would entail, but suffice it to say that I always seem to come away disappointed with the reality. I’ve thrown a few combo birthday/Halloween parties around my big day, but something always ends up as the proverbial fly in the ointment. Most notably the year someone vomited on my front lawn after drinking entirely too much and not eating enough (if anything at all). Although I guess that was preferable to them vomiting somewhere in my house…
I wish I knew what it was that I wanted from my birthday so I could at least potentially achieve it, but I’m really just not sure. I guess I want it to be…better. I won’t ever have another party because I always want things to be “just so” and that is so hard to make happen. People always come in and do things I didn’t want done or want to turn the party into someone else and I get pissy and it’s downhill from there.
Perhaps my expectations are simply too high. I mean, everyone has a birthday, right? So why should mine be any more spectacular than the next person’s. To that end, I’ve made some mental plans on what I want to do this year on my birthday that should, theoretically, allow me to have a very enjoyable birthday. Guess we’ll find about in about 45 days or so.
After my birthday, I always get excited about Thanksgiving and then Christmas. I’m not sure why though since my family doesn’t actually get together for the most part on those holidays anymore. There are various – very good and valid – reasons and commitments that keep us from being together on the actual days, though we do have a family Christmas a few days before the actual day. I have found, however, that over the years I’ve bought into the Hallmark, Hollywood ideal of how a family holiday should be. Everyone together, squeezed into the house you grew up in with wacky hijinka and warm fuzzy family moments ensuing.
Uh…yeah. Doesn’t really happen in my world. I always want a big houseful of people (maybe I should consult Central Casting and see if I can rent a family this year…) with lots of food and peace and goodwill to men and all that stuff. Once upon a time, back in the days when I thought I would do the “normal” thing and grow up and get married and have 2.5 kids and a dog, etc, I thought how great it would be to marry into a family with multiple siblings (I have 1 brother) where everyone would come home for the holidays and it would be this big family fun fest.
Of course, my life has not worked out that way and I would bet most families would say that’s not how the holidays work anyway except in a Norma Rockwell painting.
But I still wish that it did.
The holidays last year were a very lonely time for me. I never realized it could be like that until it was. And it’s not like I did not see people and/or family on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day. I totally did. But something was missing. I want tradition! I want a gathering! I want…well, I do NOT want pumpkin pie because that is just nasty crap, but I want something. Whatever that “something” is that is missing.
Because I am an obsessive-compulsive planner, not only do I have my mental plan for my birthday, but I’m already thinking ahead to what I want to do on Thanksgiving Day. I haven’t gotten to Christmas yet, but there’s time for that. I will plot and plan and figure out what to do to make ME happy. At first I thought that notion was rather selfish, but then I realized that if I don’t look out for myself, who will? No one.
I guess time will tell as to whether or not this holiday season turns out better than the last. But I am going to do my damnedest to enjoy the coming season – everything from leaf crunching to celebrating the birth of our savior Jesus Christ – no matter what. And maybe if I’m really smart, somewhere along the way I’ll figure out how to help other people do it as well. Because I know I’m not alone in questioning whether this is really the most wonderful time of the year.
As the song goes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Or is it?
I’ve heard for years about how the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) are the time with the highest suicide rates and when folks tend to be the most depressed and as a rule I have “poo-pooed” that notion. Until last year.
The reason I start getting amped up in October is that my birthday is in mid-October and then Halloween happens. Those are 2 days that I enjoy, plus I like decorating for Halloween. With the cooler weather I just feel festive.
The trouble is…my birthday never turns out the way I want it to. In my head I have this fanciful notion that it will be the greatest birthday every. I have no idea exactly the specifics that that would entail, but suffice it to say that I always seem to come away disappointed with the reality. I’ve thrown a few combo birthday/Halloween parties around my big day, but something always ends up as the proverbial fly in the ointment. Most notably the year someone vomited on my front lawn after drinking entirely too much and not eating enough (if anything at all). Although I guess that was preferable to them vomiting somewhere in my house…
I wish I knew what it was that I wanted from my birthday so I could at least potentially achieve it, but I’m really just not sure. I guess I want it to be…better. I won’t ever have another party because I always want things to be “just so” and that is so hard to make happen. People always come in and do things I didn’t want done or want to turn the party into someone else and I get pissy and it’s downhill from there.
Perhaps my expectations are simply too high. I mean, everyone has a birthday, right? So why should mine be any more spectacular than the next person’s. To that end, I’ve made some mental plans on what I want to do this year on my birthday that should, theoretically, allow me to have a very enjoyable birthday. Guess we’ll find about in about 45 days or so.
After my birthday, I always get excited about Thanksgiving and then Christmas. I’m not sure why though since my family doesn’t actually get together for the most part on those holidays anymore. There are various – very good and valid – reasons and commitments that keep us from being together on the actual days, though we do have a family Christmas a few days before the actual day. I have found, however, that over the years I’ve bought into the Hallmark, Hollywood ideal of how a family holiday should be. Everyone together, squeezed into the house you grew up in with wacky hijinka and warm fuzzy family moments ensuing.
Uh…yeah. Doesn’t really happen in my world. I always want a big houseful of people (maybe I should consult Central Casting and see if I can rent a family this year…) with lots of food and peace and goodwill to men and all that stuff. Once upon a time, back in the days when I thought I would do the “normal” thing and grow up and get married and have 2.5 kids and a dog, etc, I thought how great it would be to marry into a family with multiple siblings (I have 1 brother) where everyone would come home for the holidays and it would be this big family fun fest.
Of course, my life has not worked out that way and I would bet most families would say that’s not how the holidays work anyway except in a Norma Rockwell painting.
But I still wish that it did.
The holidays last year were a very lonely time for me. I never realized it could be like that until it was. And it’s not like I did not see people and/or family on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day. I totally did. But something was missing. I want tradition! I want a gathering! I want…well, I do NOT want pumpkin pie because that is just nasty crap, but I want something. Whatever that “something” is that is missing.
Because I am an obsessive-compulsive planner, not only do I have my mental plan for my birthday, but I’m already thinking ahead to what I want to do on Thanksgiving Day. I haven’t gotten to Christmas yet, but there’s time for that. I will plot and plan and figure out what to do to make ME happy. At first I thought that notion was rather selfish, but then I realized that if I don’t look out for myself, who will? No one.
I guess time will tell as to whether or not this holiday season turns out better than the last. But I am going to do my damnedest to enjoy the coming season – everything from leaf crunching to celebrating the birth of our savior Jesus Christ – no matter what. And maybe if I’m really smart, somewhere along the way I’ll figure out how to help other people do it as well. Because I know I’m not alone in questioning whether this is really the most wonderful time of the year.
2 comments:
I know how you feel about this time of year.
If you like, you are welcome at CASA SULLIVAN for Turkey day this year. :)
Aw, that's for the offer! You never know! LOL I actually would not mind totally doing my own thing by myself, but I would feel guilty if my father didn't have something to do. But I could easily cook for myself and just sit around dressed slobby watching movies.
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