When I somewhat rashly declared to a co-worker a few weeks ago that this would be a year when I said "yes" to things more than "no", I was thinking along the lines of finally learning how to use my grandmother's crochet hooks (or give them away and have one less bit of "stuff" hanging around) or trying once again to learn to juggle after having attempted it - and given up pretty quickly - a couple of years ago. Then one day last week I was driving to work and a little voice inside my head said, (well, I'm paraphrasing here because I was probably also listening to the radio as well as the voice in my head) "What about reading the Bible?'
Having been raised in the church it's not like the Bible is a foreign thing to me. I've spent enough time in Sunday School or in various Bible studies to know enough of this and that, but I'll never pretend to have read the entire book or know every story, chapter or verse.
The simple truth is, I hate reading the Bible. I have tried many times to read it through because I've felt that it was my duty and obligation to do that, but I just can't. Those plans that show you how to read through it in a year make me nuts. It's too much. It's overwhelming. Honestly, it bores me and trying to stick to a schedule laid out like that stresses me out.
That's probably not a popular stance to take (depending on who you are talking to), but it's honest.
Those lay out so many chapters and pages to read in a single day and it's impossible for me to do that. I can handle maybe a chapter at a time, but page after page after page....I can't focus on it. I don't retain anything and as I said before, it doesn't interest me. I don't know whether it's the language or the subject matter (hey, you try getting through the book of Numbers and remain engaged) or simply the daunting thought of all those pages and trying to understand and retain them. My head spins and I go back to whatever else I was reading before I stopped for what feels like the obligatory reading.
Whatever it is, I just can't do it. Or maybe I won't do it. I have many petulant child moments in my life where I simply refuse to do something because it's either too hard or too boring or I simply don't want to do it. That may be the case here. Have I simply tried, but not tried hard enough? Because I love to read and can read for hours, just not the Bible.
I try to cut myself some slack because I know I'm not alone in this, I can't be. Other people have to feel the way I do. Then I start to wonder if I should push myself, force myself, to read it whether I really want to or not, but that seems like just as bad of an idea. I've never felt like God wanted someone to be forced into belief or worship or spending time with him. I mean, would anyone want that? I want people to spend time with me because they want to, not because they feel that they have to. I think God is the same.
That doesn't really solve my problem of wishing I enjoyed reading the Bible though. I could push and push myself to do it, but I'm not sure that's the way to go about it either. I don't know that I'll get anything out of it that way. So now I just wait and consider whether I am missing something that should be a "yes" - even if it's really, really hard - because it's easier to make it a "no".
Having been raised in the church it's not like the Bible is a foreign thing to me. I've spent enough time in Sunday School or in various Bible studies to know enough of this and that, but I'll never pretend to have read the entire book or know every story, chapter or verse.
The simple truth is, I hate reading the Bible. I have tried many times to read it through because I've felt that it was my duty and obligation to do that, but I just can't. Those plans that show you how to read through it in a year make me nuts. It's too much. It's overwhelming. Honestly, it bores me and trying to stick to a schedule laid out like that stresses me out.
That's probably not a popular stance to take (depending on who you are talking to), but it's honest.
Those lay out so many chapters and pages to read in a single day and it's impossible for me to do that. I can handle maybe a chapter at a time, but page after page after page....I can't focus on it. I don't retain anything and as I said before, it doesn't interest me. I don't know whether it's the language or the subject matter (hey, you try getting through the book of Numbers and remain engaged) or simply the daunting thought of all those pages and trying to understand and retain them. My head spins and I go back to whatever else I was reading before I stopped for what feels like the obligatory reading.
Whatever it is, I just can't do it. Or maybe I won't do it. I have many petulant child moments in my life where I simply refuse to do something because it's either too hard or too boring or I simply don't want to do it. That may be the case here. Have I simply tried, but not tried hard enough? Because I love to read and can read for hours, just not the Bible.
I try to cut myself some slack because I know I'm not alone in this, I can't be. Other people have to feel the way I do. Then I start to wonder if I should push myself, force myself, to read it whether I really want to or not, but that seems like just as bad of an idea. I've never felt like God wanted someone to be forced into belief or worship or spending time with him. I mean, would anyone want that? I want people to spend time with me because they want to, not because they feel that they have to. I think God is the same.
That doesn't really solve my problem of wishing I enjoyed reading the Bible though. I could push and push myself to do it, but I'm not sure that's the way to go about it either. I don't know that I'll get anything out of it that way. So now I just wait and consider whether I am missing something that should be a "yes" - even if it's really, really hard - because it's easier to make it a "no".
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