A wise plumber I once knew (ok, I don't know him, but I was hovering while he was working on my leaking shower faucet) said, "I don't have issues...I have a full subscription." Oh, so true, so true of us all.
The pastor at my church said something recently in our weekly newsletter that really spoke to me. So much so that I wrote it down and carried it around with me for a while so I could refer to it and now it’s posted over my computer at work and I read it several times a day.
“The human heart is able to twist and turn logic and agreements, to find loopholes and justifications. We can listen, agree, and then convince ourselves we are exceptions to the rules. That’s why Jesus told us our hearts are corrupt and more deceitful than anything else.” ~ Clay Smith
I think it spoke to me because I’ve been fighting with some issues, some temptations, for a while now.
Temptation
1. the act of tempting; enticement or allurement
2. something that tempts, entices, or allures
3. the fact or state of being tempted, esp. to evil.
It’s come down to two major things that plague me pretty much daily and sometimes it can be amazingly frustrating. Especially when those temptations drive me to distraction. Or rather,
to seek out distractions, which then snowballs into me not paying attention to what I’m doing whether I am at the office or working on a project around the house or whatever.
I was pondering those two particular pains in my ass today and started wondering
which one of them makes me feel worse for doing it? I’ve been thinking about that off and on for hours now and still haven’t come up with a clear cut answer. It may depend on the day or the hour. Or the consequences. Ok. That’s a lie. Of the two specific things of which I speak (indirectly I suppose since I’m not willing to identify them publicly), there is one that makes me feel worse than the other for giving in to it.
Then I began wondering,
which temptation makes me feel better for conquering it? Oddly enough, it’s a total flip flop between the two major warring factions. The thing I feel
least amount of guilt about doing is the thing that I feel the greatest satisfaction from managing
not to do. Yeah, I know. I don’t understand that last sentence either and I wrote it. And read it over five times.
Suffice it to say that I gave in to one temptation today and once the deed was done, I realized I felt no joy in it. No passion. No thrill. Merely dull resignation. Or perhaps it’s finally an enlightening moment realizing that often the things we think we want or need are, in fact, the last thing that will bring us pleasure.
I was listening to a book on CD this morning as I drove to work and a quote stuck out (I am paraphrasing) –
Be the master of your pleasures as well as your restraint. That really spoke to me. While the quote was about food and making right choices, it resonates beyond that I think.
Be the master of your pleasures as well as your restraint. That’s big.
Guilty pleasure – (per Wikipedia) –
A guilty pleasure is something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it.
Perhaps I should redefine some of my temptations as more guilty pleasures if I find enjoyment in them, in spite of the guilt. But can I master both my pleasure and my restraint? Ah, there’s the rub.
Fortunately, I had a partner in crime in my friend Susan, who was also getting her fourth tattoo. I think it was her fourth. Might have been fifth cause she's a wild woman like that. We set off on Saturday afternoon too check out a local tattoo shop that had been recommended to me by the owner's mother. We liked what we saw, they gave Susan a good price on the tattoo design she came in with - yours truly just picked somewhat at random cause I'm crazy like that - and we were off and running. And afraid we'd be screaming because as I recall, my 3rd tattoo hurt like Hades. I was expecting a lot of pain this time around and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't that painful. Plus, being on my arm, I could watch the process which was cool too.
